走街拍
开启左侧

[娱乐杂谈] 所有感情,最后考验的都是人性中最忠厚善良的部分

  [复制链接]
发表于 2016-11-23 16:16:17 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

88ebeff3587aa0e3f4af2f10543c9e30.jpg
引用: 一言不合就出轨、离婚、家暴……在这个“每对夫妻都有100次想要掐死对方的念头”的世界里,感情考验的是真心?是责任?在所有道德和契约的拘束之外,我们都轻视了人性中最纯良、柔软和忠厚的部分
——如果在诱惑和厌烦的当口,你还能记得内心深处TA的一点点好,还记得这个女人也曾日夜守候你的赛场征途……

我的师姐嘉木,曾写过一篇关于感情的文章,里面说“所有感情,最后考验的是人性中最忠厚善良的部分”,看完心有戚戚,于是也想就此题目写写。
那种书里曾写的互相扶持、彼此理解、灵魂相依、倾心一生一世的婚姻,在现实中我是从来不曾亲眼目睹、亲耳听过的。当然间接还是知道一两例,比如杨绛钱钟书算一对;赖声川和丁乃竺算另一对。
现实中遭遇和听说的,大部分还是“每对夫妻都有100次想要掐死对方的念头”,此乃世俗婚姻的常态。

我们这一代人,一旦成年后,难免会回头品评上一代人的婚姻。
看过一份网络问卷调查,里面说参与了调查的大部分年轻人,在评价自己成长环境时,半数以上认为自己父母其实 “缺乏共同语言”、“价值观有差异”、“不会好好说话”以及“总在争吵”。
最后居然超过60%人的认为自己父母过的是“将就的婚姻”。
既然看不到原始数据来源,也就无从探知这份调查结果的可信度。一方面,老一辈婚姻在贯穿几十年的家庭生活中,往往展露出琐碎、庸俗、争执不断、横眉立目的一面;而另一方面,这种受诟病的婚姻组合之下却往往有着不可思议的稳固根基。
长久以来,我们一直认为这个稳固根基是所谓的“约束”,比如道德的约束、社会环境的约束、人际关系的约束。
但或许我们轻视了约束之外,人性中最纯良、柔软和忠厚的一面。

我有一个朋友,她父母是截然不同的两种人:
父亲是大学本科出身的知识分子,搞设计的,母亲则只有小学文化程度。父亲知书达理,母亲则庸俗絮叨。母亲还有一个令人头疼的娘家,下面十个弟弟妹妹,成天闹幺蛾子——今天这个要闹离婚,明天那个要分房产,再后天最小的又中风住院了,求照顾。一年四季没有消停时候。
朋友母亲由于是大姐,一直是一家之主。嘴上对弟妹们杀伐决断,一旦家里有事,立马第一个到场,出钱出力,甚至拉上自己老公和女儿去帮忙。朋友不堪其扰,认为这种亲情已经明显超越了现代家庭的范畴、甚至触犯到了自己家庭的利益。
尽管她的父亲也认同她,可每当和母亲吵到不可开交时,父亲却又会替母亲讲话、打圆场,生怕母亲太生气。
朋友不止一次和爸爸抱怨:“您怎么反而向着我妈呀?”

结果她爸只是曲线救国地回答道:
“以前没结婚时,你妈是本地人,出身好,心眼儿也好;我就一个穷人,身体还差。每天她干一整天活,分两个馒头,自己舍不得,只吃半个,剩下的揣出来给我吃,怕我饿肚子。现在她整这些,还是因为心眼儿好,别让她太生气。”
要说匮乏时期的馒头滋养了最初的感情,令人信服。
但要说仅仅靠这每天一个半馒头维系的几十年,外人眼里并不般配的婚姻,就略显牵强了。
翻译家傅雷曾说过的一段话或许可以为此做个注脚:
“对终身伴侣的要求,正如对人生一切的要求一样不能太苛。因为凡事总有正反两面:追你太迫切了,你觉得负担重;追得不紧了,又觉得不够热烈。温柔的人有时会显得懦弱,刚强了又近于专制; 幻想多了不切实际,能干的管家太太又觉得俗气….这一类的问题想必你考虑过不止一次。
但我觉得最主要的还是本质的善良,天性的温厚,开阔的胸襟。
有了这三样,其他都可以逐渐培养,而且有了这三样,将来即使遇到大大小小的风波也不致变成悲剧。”


以前我们公司也有个女强人咨询顾问。她成为全公司升迁最快的经理之一时,男朋友博士还没毕业,一天工作经验都没有过。
女强人一天到晚谋划着和男友分手,可不知是太忙、还是不忍下手,整整预谋了两三年,全公司都知道了,她也没分成。
后来真有一天分手了,刚分手没多久,女强人父亲偏巧就心脏病突发。她得知消息的时候人在新疆出差,忧心如焚,边买机票边硬着头皮给前男友求助电话。本来已经做好准备被摔电话,结果对方只问了老头的情况后,就直奔医院。等她拖到第二天赶回北京的时候,一切都已料理停当。
后来他俩自然而然又复合了。同事们总以为这俩人性格、阅历、人生视野差那么远,早晚还得分,谁知俩人反而就结婚了。再后来上街偶遇过他们一次,俨然已是幸福的三口之家了。
女强人还是在全世界东奔西跑地做她的女强人,她老公博士毕业后继续在研究中心做他的研究论文,两个人的收入几乎相差10倍!
萧伯纳曾说过:
“想结婚的就去结婚,想单身的就维持单身,反正到最后你们都要后悔!”

华盛顿大学的一项研究也表明:对于那些最初都非常相爱的伴侣来说,最容易导致他们分手的并不是大的困难,而是生活的琐碎。
婚姻的失落和不满,往往来自于当我们满心欢喜的走进一段亲密关系,以为终于要开始享受更多的福利和权益时,对方却在期待你尽义务。

婚前你再怎么努力观察,对一个人的理解仍然是片面的,因为你们经历的在一起的时光,纵然有量的积累,但绝大部分仅仅是模式上的重复。
而婚姻却无时无刻不在制造出新冲突的源头和矛盾的触发点:
要不要买房?要不要办婚礼?怎么买?怎么生孩子?怎么养大?……
这些永远伴随着“我要不要和Ta离婚”“当初怎么瞎眼看上了他”“他怎么会变成现在这样”的念头——
不断萌生新的怨念,不断被自己强行吞咽,然后化解掉。
而每次化解这些念头的原因,可能微乎其微到不值得一提:
可能是对方道歉了、可能是对方一个贴心的举动,可能你自己人说服自己忍下去了,也可能是你在辗转反侧中突然想起了以前的时光。
——仅仅存在于你内心深处最珍惜的、关于他的一点点好。

毛姆说,感情有理智所根本不能理解的理由。
正因为如此,任何一个局外人,如果“理性”去分析判断别人婚姻家庭的时候,得出结论,往往会和家庭的真正走向南辕北辙。
任何一段婚姻中,夫妻双方都必须应对堆积如山的压力和琐碎,这些没有一刻不消磨和分散着曾经的共鸣和爱意。
身边不止一位长辈,教育自己的孩子:“如果你俩没有吵过架,就不要结婚!”
因为在他们看来,只有双方在“交恶”的时候,才是人性暴露最彻底的时候——最初的善意是否还能在幽暗中发光,才是决定一段婚姻是否仍能继续维系的关键。
每段婚姻到最后,其实考验的都是人性中最健全或忠厚的部分。两个人在不断的相处磨合中、不断的沟通拌嘴中,彼此加深了解、进一步成长。
那些真正能够一起过上很久的伴侣,或许并不比其他人更追求爱的宏大。
他们仅仅是在每个可能选择了转身分开的小瞬间里,最终选择了用善意和忠厚的一面去思考和对待。
大部分相携一生的人,他们的感情生涯想必也都多次穿越过幽深荒凉的隧道,全凭轨道上行驶的惯性、和内心深处的一点幽光吧。


回复

举报

发表于 2017-2-1 19:41:03 | 显示全部楼层
继续支持没话说~ 楼主真强













邻家少妇
鬼神都市
葬汉
红尘修梦
插手贼王谁怕谁
赵氏大少之感悟
武傲三界
超自然法则
缚亡灵
和女友母亲同居
位面小商人
埃提亚
异世初行
都市武林霸主
无限之行尸进化
仙剑神曲
洪荒之傲世神皇
无限众神游戏
扛天
神佑黑客
发表于 2017-3-31 05:17:21 | 显示全部楼层

the leather is soft and moist.

but I Brazilian Hair know which of the whole God country heat to 22 minute hard TRX Suspension corps tell thank preschool prep series collection 10 dvd boxed set youcom/ leather bag in country heat the bag before the collection http://www.coredeforcecoach.peppapigcollection.preschoolprepseries.
   However, but Bundles With Lace Closure charge maintenance fees Investigation of customer service is "last year I Bracelet Guess Bracelet Femme Dor?? bought a 18 carat gold necklace, not to mention the maintenance.com/ hold out form,coredeforcecoach. free door-to-door service, core de force WeChat the company for many years the high recovery of brand-name watches, the Brazilian Deep Curly Hair leather Bracelet Guess Mode Joli Papillon Argent?? is soft and moist.
  
   http://jinrongkaoyan.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=3837&pid=9442&page=6&extra=page=1#pid9442
  
   http://bbs.3drrr.com/forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=59&tid=26&extra=page=1&replysubmit=yes&infloat=yes&handlekey=fastpost
  
   http://www.blackpink.cn/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=5554&pid=48022&page=1&extra=#pid48022
  
   http://www.gamer.my/forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=2&tid=1&extra=page=1&replysubmit=yes&infloat=yes&handlekey=fastpost
  
   http://www.mq11.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1584478&pid=5077971&page=1&extra=page=1#pid5077971
  
   http://bbs.3drrr.com/forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=70&tid=36&extra=page=1&replysubmit=yes&infloat=yes&handlekey=fastpost
  
   http://jinrongkaoyan.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=4416&pid=9441&page=1&extra=page=1#pid9441
  
   http://www.blackpink.cn/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=4571&pid=48021&page=1&extra=#pid48021
  
   http://bbs.3drrr.com/forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=57&tid=3055&extra=page=1&replysubmit=yes&infloat=yes&handlekey=fastpost
  
   http://jinrongkaoyan.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=3837&pid=9440&page=6&extra=page=1#pid9440
  
   http://www.gamer.my/forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=702&tid=13223&extra=page=1&replysubmit=yes&infloat=yes&handlekey=fastpost
  
   http://jinrongkaoyan.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=5531&pid=9439&page=1&extra=page=1#pid9439
  
   http://bbs.3drrr.com/forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=37&tid=1687&extra=page=1&replysubmit=yes&infloat=yes&handlekey=fastpost
  
   http://bbs.3drrr.com/forum.php?mod=post&action=reply&fid=77&tid=1166&extra=page=1&replysubmit=yes&infloat=yes&handlekey=fastpost
  
   http://kanuge.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=423&pid=7660&page=2&extra=page=1#pid7660
发表于 2017-4-6 17:09:25 | 显示全部楼层

Li female network

Copyright? Virgin Brazilian Hair core de force mma 2006-2017 seven core de force beachbody Li female network Kanken Backpack All rights pas cher Montres Guess reserved. CARTIRE LOVE SERIES RING WITH DIAMOND NECKLACE WHITE GOLD Xiang Virgin Brazilian Loose Body Wave Hair Weave Bundles ICP TRX Equipment core de force No. 15017460 cize -1
  

  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=1694&pid=11245&page=1&extra=page=1#pid11245
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=65800&pid=396271&page=7&extra=page=1#pid396271
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=1675&pid=10440&page=1&extra=page=1#pid10440
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=256466&pid=260019&page=1&extra=page=1#pid260019
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=33&pid=64178&page=3&extra=#pid64178
  
   ?mod=post&action=reply&fid=44&tid=2772&extra=page=1&replysubmit=yes&infloat=yes&handlekey=fastpost
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=18851&pid=64177&page=69&extra=page=1#pid64177
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=4900&pid=10439&page=1&extra=page=1#pid10439
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=119&pid=396268&page=31&extra=page=1#pid396268
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=256418&pid=259995&page=1&extra=page=1#pid259995
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=21138&pid=204861&page=1&extra=page=1#pid204861
  
   ?mod=post&action=reply&fid=87&tid=1757&extra=page=1&replysubmit=yes&infloat=yes&handlekey=fastpost
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=5778&pid=10438&page=1&extra=page=1#pid10438
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=68711&pid=396265&page=1&extra=page=1#pid396265
  
   ?mod=viewthread&tid=21670&pid=204859&page=1&extra=page=1#pid204859
发表于 2017-7-3 05:26:40 | 显示全部楼层

BVB Borussia Dortmund Dam 34384 Longchamp Cartera

is notice in the past — incriminating things — things that would put together into a Case. But,Anaheim Ducks Sverige, after all, what evidence had he against Raffles as yet? Mr. Levy himself propounded the question with unflinching candour. He might inform the Metropolitan Police of his strong suspicions; and they might communicate with the Austrian police,Everton Fotbalové Dres, and evidence beyond the belated evidence of his own senses be duly forthcoming; but nothing could be done at once,Raheem Sterling Drakt, and if Raffles cared to endorse his theory of the practical joke,Montreal Canadiens Dresy, by owning up to that and nothing more,Bastian Schweinsteiger Drakt, then,Serie A, so far as Mr. Levy was concerned,Cheap Trevor Ariza Jersey, nothing should ever be done at all.
“Except this little innocent recovery of your own property,Tottenham Hotspurs Tr?ja,” suggested Raffles. “I suppose tGoogle Links:

  
   http://jzrixin.com.cn/shownews.asp?id=53614
  
   http://archrist.com.tw/viewthread.php?tid=14721458&pid=14967720&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid14967720
发表于 2017-7-3 21:13:52 | 显示全部楼层

Brooklyn Nets Drakter 87505 Okulary Ray Ban 4151

arting in that fatal tower,Toni Kroos Tr?ja, to make this wild flight necessary without my news, and whither in all earnest were we to fly?
“Oh,Atletico Madrid Dres Dámské, nothing!” said Raffles,Minnesota Wild Dam Sverige, in unsatisfactory answer to my first question. “I thought you would have seen that we couldn’t clear out too soon after restoring poor Shylock,Arsenal Drakt Barn, like our brethren in the song,San Jose Sharks Barn Sverige, ‘to his friends and his relations.’”
“But I thought you had something else for him to sign,Atletico Madrid Barn?”
“So I had,Michael Kors Saszetki torebki, Bunny.”
“What was that,Spania Drakt Barn?”
“A plain statement of all he had suborned me to do for him, and what he had given me for doing it,” said Raffles, as he lit a Sullivan from his last easeful. “One might almost call it a receipt for the letter I stole and he destroyed.?Google Links:

  
   http://arkeria.sosugary.org/displayimage.php?album=10&pid=45%3Eit%20recycling%20service%20southampton%3C/a%3E&USER=Pieroweb&L=0/displayimage.php?pid=45&message_id=32bcb83c4b2d55e442622e91f1bb68bf&message_icon=info#cpgMessageBlock
  
   http://www.516lm.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=19029&pid=99297&page=2&_dsign=65fdf908&extra=page=1#pid99297
发表于 2017-7-5 02:16:16 | 显示全部楼层

Irland Landslagsdrakt 89547 Buffalo Sabres Sverige

’s story of the Council at Fort Benton:,Tyskland Drakt
327 The Territory of Montana was organized in 1864. Green Clay Smith was appointed its first governor, and General Francis Meagher became acting governor with supervision over all Indians.
From 1863 to 1865 a chronic state of warfare existed between all the Indian tribes in the Territory. In the course of this warfare,New York Islanders Sverige, miners and freighters had sustained serious losses in stock,Arsenal Drakt Damer, and many miners and cattle-herders had been killed by the Indians. There was no protection for life and property. At the mouth of the Judith River, fifty miles east of Benton,Okulary Ray Ban 4167, was stationed one company of soldiers,Barcelona Dres Dámské, but they were infantry and could render no protection against mounted Indians.
In 1864 I sold my place at Missoula,Athletic Bilbao Drakt Barn, and moved to Benton—the head of navigation for the Missouri River steam-boats,Memphis Depay Drakt, which carried all the supplies of every description needed by the rapidly increasing population,Jonathan Quick Dresy, which was rushing into the Territory attracted by fabulous reports which were constantly bGoogle Links:

  
   http://vote.qdxiaoluohao.com/dzx/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=16777168&pid=14823616&page=2500&extra=page=1#pid14823616
  
   http://vote.qdxiaoluohao.com/dzx/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1611646&pid=14823615&page=2804&extra=page=1#pid14823615
发表于 2017-7-5 02:34:24 | 显示全部楼层

Newcastle United 16/17 82454 Manchester City Dziec

er loose slate and other débris, they found themselves on the high backgrounds of the North Mountains. Thence moving west over loose rock and snow,Pánské Dresy, and through pools of water, they finally came in sight of Musk-ox Bay,Colorado Avalanche Barn Sverige, the western extremity of Discovery Harbor. They then retraced their steps,FC Schalke 04 Drakt, reaching home without having seen a living object bigger than an humble-bee.
On the 23d, the house was occupied,Landslagsdrakt Fotball, though not finished. Looking after their supplies,Edinson Cavani Drakt, they found that the foxes had made free with the carcasses of the musk-oxen left near Watercourse Bay. Lockwood now proceeded to superintend the laying out of the observatory,Valencia Drakt, digging for foundation pier of transit,Real Madrid Dzieci 16/17, etc. He found the ground frozen after reaching thirty inches, which may be taken as the depth where perpetual frost begins. The ship being still detained, but with a prospect of soon getting off,Zlatan Ibrahimovic Drakt, Lockwood wrote more letters home in which he expressed an opinion about the Proteus. Her chances of departing south were Google Links:

  
   http://lawyerzm.com//review.asp?NewsID=3134&page=11/index.asp/index.asp/index.asp/index.asp/index.asp/index.asp
  
   http://www.archrist.com.tw/viewthread.php?tid=15098152&pid=15350849&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid15350849
发表于 2017-7-5 10:14:50 | 显示全部楼层

Itálie Dres Děti 68250 Marco Verratti Tr?ja

’ is still an expression often heard at Hampshire card-parties,Chelsea Drakt, and some colour is lent to this story by the poor defence with which the furious onrush of Cromwell’s troops was met. The attacking force lost few men,Cheap Tim Hardaway Jr. Jersey, but a hundred of the defenders were killed, and three hundred more taken prisoners. Then the place caught fire and was utterly burnt,Indiana Pacers Drakter, many perishing miserably in the great brick vaults of the house, where they were when the fire reached them. Fuller,Spania Landslagsdrakt, that quaint seventeenth-century historian,Liverpool Drakt Damer, who had been staying here,?sterrike Tr?ja, had,Oscar Emboaba Tr?ja, fortunately, left before the arrival of Cromwell’s expedition. The continual fighting and the booming of the guns had distracted his attention from his work! There were others not so fortunate. Thomas Johnson,Luis Suarez Drakt, a peaGoogle Links:

  
   http://59.37.163.191:8082/blog/?uid-59-action-viewspace-itemid-206
  
   http://59.37.163.191:8082/blog/?uid-60-action-viewspace-itemid-197
发表于 2017-7-5 11:47:22 | 显示全部楼层

Northern Irland Landslagsdrakt 37939 Leicester Cit

n,Washington Capitals Dam Sverige, and I shouldn’t run any risks with those hands. Remember all the chances they’re going to lap up tomorrow,Houston Rockets Drakter, and all the byes they’ve not got to let!”
And Raffles had administered his opiate before the patient knew much more about it; next minute he was shaking hands with me,Nuevo 2014 Longchamp Bolsa, and the minute after that Raffles went in to put out his light. He was gone some little time; and I remember leaning out of the window in order not to overhear the conversation in the next room. The night was nearly as fine as ever. The starry ceiling over the Albany Courtyard was only less beautifully blue than when Raffles and I had come in a couple of hours ago. The traffic in Piccadilly came as crisply to the ear as on a winter’s night of hGoogle Links:

  
   http://www.heartsy.com/guestbook/
  
   http://www.ellercounseling.com/advguestbook/
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

本版街贝规则

18036355281

客服热线
周一至周日:09:00-20:00

微信扫一扫

©2014  创意徐州. All rights reserved. ( 苏ICP备11014670号 )  Powered by Discuz! X3.2 Licensed  技术支持:走街串巷

苏公网安备 32031102000166号

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表